What to Say When a Child Sees or Experiences Racism
Talking to kids about racism and discrimination can feel intimidating. But in this episode of Thriving Kids, Dr. Dave Anderson and Dr. Isha Metzger discuss how to start the conversation early, keep it practical, and support kids in ways that match their age and situation.
What you’ll learn:
- How to convey a clear definition of racism that goes beyond “one person being mean”
- How microaggressions show up in everyday life, even when someone “didn’t mean it”
- Why kids might show stress from experiencing racism through behavior (withdrawal, irritability) or physical symptoms (headaches, stomachaches)
- How to help your child respond if they experience discrimination
- How to teach ally behavior: what to say, when to get help, and why speaking up in the moment matters
- What to do if your child causes harm: Reflect → Repair → Relearn
Key takeaways:
- Start the conversation early and keep it going. Don’t wait for a single “big talk.”
- Use direct, factual language. Kids do better with simple, clear wording.
- Practice a few “in the moment” phrases your kid can actually say, like: “That’s not okay.”
- If your child is targeted: validate first, then problem-solve.
- If your child is the one who said something harmful: stay calm, name the impact, and coach a better next step.
From the episode: M&M exercise
Use a small bag of M&Ms to talk about difference and unfair treatment:
- Observe differences (color, shape, cracked shells)
- Ask: “Are any better than the others?”
- Connect it to how people can get treated unfairly based on how they look
- Keep it simple: same on the inside, differences add value
Tips from the Thriving Kids tip sheet:
- Talk about it. Kids are likely to encounter racism and discrimination at a young age. Put aside any discomfort and talk about these topics with your kids early and often.
- Be direct and factual. When you’re explaining racism for the first time, it’s important to use clear, straightforward language.
- It’s ok to show emotion. When talking with your children about racism or specific events that have happened due to racism, it’s okay to express your own feelings of anger, hurt, or sadness. This helps normalize these reactions and validate what your child may already be feeling.
- Take a multimedia approach. Share books, movies, TV shows, YouTube channels or anything else with age-appropriate content related to the issues you are trying to tackle. These can provide additional information, context and characters for kids to relate to.
- Listen and validate. Even young children are perceptive and may be scared or confused by things they’ve seen or heard. Ask open-ended questions and give them plenty of space to answer. Little kids can also express themselves through drawings or acting things out with toys.
- Teach advocacy. Just as you may have encouraged your child to stand up for friends who are treated unkindly, teach them to speak out if they witness or experience discrimination firsthand – if it is safe to do so.
- Plan a course of action. There’s nothing worse than feeling helpless, so if your child comes to you with a troubling experience or concern, help them develop a response. Remind them that it’s not always on them to respond, and depending on the situation, there may be reason to make a report with the school or authorities.
Further reading
- Free Guides and Resources – Dr. Isha Metzger
- Positive Parenting, Thriving Kids – Child Mind Institute
Creators and Guests
Host
Dave Anderson
Dave Anderson, PhD, is the Vice-President of Public Engagement and Education and a senior psychologist in the ADHD and Behavior Disorders Center at the Child Mind Institute. Dr. Anderson focuses on the expansion of our awareness-building and prevention programs while also leading initiatives that build the Child Mind Institute brand, foster strategic partnerships, and forge new relationships with policy makers and youth mental health leaders.
Producer
Andrew Dearling
Andrew Dearling is the Digital Director at the Child Mind Institute, where he leads strategy and execution across web, email, social media, and digital campaigns. He focuses on using digital tools to connect more families with mental health resources, expand the organization’s reach, and drive measurable impact. Andrew combines deep expertise in content, platforms, and performance marketing with a clear understanding of how to reach people where they are, and move them to take action.
Producer
Chad Garber
Chad Garber, a seasoned Creative Producer with over 15 years of experience, shapes branded video, digital, and experiential content for Fortune 100 companies, agencies, and in-house teams to Child Mind Institute. Known for building high-performing creative operations, he led pro-bono productions to multimillion-dollar campaigns for brands like Verizon, Microsoft, New Balance, Budweiser, and FedEx. His sharp storytelling, deep production expertise, and collaborative leadership move ideas from concept to screen with impact.
